"Boxing to heal trauma is like smoking to alleviate stress, it may feel good in the moment, but eventually you'll have to drop it and address the problem."
The week I received my Shodan promotion (first degree black belt), I woke up to a very interesting realization; I felt inspired to create a women's only self defence class. I was surprised because I had never been a big fan of "women only" anything, still am not. I also held a belief that I could not measure up to a male martial artist instructor and be taken seriously. Somehow, I had chosen men as role models most of my life, knights being my top heroes. I was fiercely independent, yet broken in my own mind. I accepted that for one reason or another, I was gifted a female body at birth and would one day figure out why. I saw men as STRONG and women, well, I didn't even talk about it. I felt ugly and awkward, angry and oh! so lost… Up to that point, I thought that most of the skills I needed to acquire to become whole in this lifetime, I would learn from a man.
I WAS WRONG
I have learned both from men and women, but mostly, I have learned from being a woman.
I have learned that sensitivity is an important quality in a teacher, man or woman, and that gaining my trust and sharing information is one thing, but awareness of what it is like to walk as a woman on this planet is quite another, let alone if you have suffered from trauma. Recognizing and understanding the barriers that keep women from entering a dojo is something worth looking at in my opinion. Perhaps, like a fish in a pond looking at a cat staring back at him, a martial artist may not quite grasp why it is so difficult for some people to make a commitment to practice. We are so quick to judge. I've been sitting on this topic for a while now and it's very important to me to present my experience in a clear and compassionate way. There are many reasons why we don't find many women in dojos, and perhaps it's the equivalent of why very few men used to practice yoga in North America, until they too discovered it's benefits. However, in my observation, men and women avoid certain things for very different reasons. Women like myself tend to be very challenged in making big commitments to activities that distract us from our responsibilities, and quite honestly, I couldn't have cared less about martial arts when I first entered a dojo.
My relationship with my son is what truly began healing my mind. What I was seeking was to spend time with healthy men and discover why I wasn't attracting them. I was a single mom at the time, and the idea of tradition appealed to me. It was clear that in order to be raising a healthy child, I needed to be at peace with myself, the world, and everyone in it. Actually, that was my mantra.With the help of my mentor, I opened myself to different ideas. I began my spiritual awakening and practice trust in my Self. My mentor at the time in fact, was a woman. She displayed what I considered some very strong masculine traits, which made me trust her. The interesting thing, is that we both balanced out through the years. She however, does not care for training.
It is my intention to explore healthy relationships that led me to my first teacher, sifu Jim Kragtwyk. I have since trained with many teachers, most importantly my husband sensei Jason Kanzan Boyd. They have all contributed to my well being in one way or another, especially the ones that have pissed me off. But it is only yesterday at a seminar with my first teacher that the light went on. It took me this long to realize why I did not enjoy training or failed to see it's value.
THAT IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU!
Gassho,
J
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