DETACHMENT

Lesson #1 at our dojo:
Don't take it personally!

I know you've heard this before, so what's going to make a difference today? 

This is what I teach our children. It's a difficult lesson, and let me tell you this, training your body to respond to an attack, whether perceived or not, can be dangerous, and not everyone fully grasps the consequences. It's as easy as to lash out at your loved ones when they piss you off. And if you think that martial arts train people to exercise control, you are right, in most case… But not all.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is because I have a message about Self Defence. It looks to me like I'm much more inspired to create awareness by speaking out than by going to kick ass in the dojo everyday… 

Why?

Because I am committed to being of service and doing my part for PEACE. People like Bruce Lee trained very very hard everyday to achieve what he did. He entered competitions in order to challenge himself and his art, to re-evaluate and adjust his practice and conquer his mind. That being said, this is the role model for many of our children. If not him, someone like him. My question to you is, if Martial Arts is intended to avoid violence, why are they portrayed differently in movies? Do me a favour and watch DRAGON: The Bruce Lee story, and realize how tormented this human being was…

Where does that leave us? I've notice that many people are stuck on blaming others, the state of the world, themselves, or all of the above instead of taking responsibility for their state of mind. Many of us carry a lot of anger, and that anger most often covers a great amount of fear about death. Many people think that being tough is a great solution and the best practice for safety. Well, being tough has its advantages, but it doesn't solve the problem. In taking things personally, we often create a problem that doesn't even exist and respond from that place. What I suggest here, is that we truly reflect on the importance of meditation. I don't really care what kind and what the name of it is, however, I do know that sitting with your eyes closed and alone is not necessarily going to cut it. Having a teacher and a community to practice with is very important if we truly wish to blossom as a peaceful being. Many dojos neglect the importance of such practice and avoid conversations of spiritual nature for fear to loose you as a student. The problem with that is that now you are getting some tools, but no container. 

Being part of a dojo is often becoming part of a family, but not always. A conscious community feels very different than a gym. What is important to me is to nurture critical thinking and independence, in children and adults alike. I promote taking personal responsibility for our body and mind, and I also hold space for community. It's not always easy for me to be around people. I was adopted in a family where was an only child and where I was served violence for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I learned that grown ups are crazy and that my adults are often too scared to help me. As a result, community living has been extremely difficult, but it is obvious to me now that I need connection with others in order to be whole, and that my thoughts and beliefs in general need to be revisited.

Being tough is not enough. Sometimes it manifests as an armour and justifies are actions. It's part of what people capable of bullying are made of. Being resilient however, that's a whole different ball game! So how do we deal with our children when we want to protect them from what we fear ourselves? One of the greatest gifts I have received in parenting has been my intuition, and learning to listen and honour it, regardless of what other people say. The other is a book called LOVING WHAT IS by Byron Katie. She clearly, and simply, offers tools in order for us to make choices that bring us peace.
What I would like to point out here though, is that non-violence is not apathy, and that many of us mothers need to really get that. We need to be very honest with ourselves about our children and what makes them whole, we need to look within, and accept what violence has to teach us and express it somehow, become friends with it like my friend sifu Jim Kragtwyk would say. I get that, I am without a doubt, the embodiment of what a powerful and sometimes very angry woman can be like, and I know too well what violence brings. With the right mind, we can nurture that part of us and keep it in check, with the right practice, we can prevent mental illness and violence within ourselves, and change the world! 

My invitation, is that instead of trying to keep ourselves safe by trying to changing others, we look within our own mind and practice compassion and acceptance.
The question I leave you with is:

What IS compassion and what does it really look, sound, taste and feel like?
What does it mean in terms of having the right to self defence,

In my world, it is not a bloody war… 

Gassho,

J