COMPASSION AND VIOLENT RELATIONSHIPS

We often read about

 "Why women do not leave abusive relationships" 

But many of us really want to

 UNDERSTAND

 The first step for me when I do not understand, is to exercise compassion. I have lived long enough for the Universe to show me a few things, I find that less and less, I choose to judge others. I may have an opinion over their choices and behaviour, but in the end, I do not know what is best for anyone else, and sometimes even for myself. I have been a woman in violent relationships with men. It goes back to childhood. I will not go in details about my story right now, but I will share what I have found helpful when leaving.

❄

∙Compassionate and patient friends, willing to take a risk in helping me, and loving me unconditionally. That in itself does not mean enabling…

∙Seeing myself as WHOLE, not just a victim.

∙Learning martial arts and being part of a mindful community, including strong men who demonstrated what a healthy relationship looks like. 

∙An honest look at my own mind, and the space to do so. 

∙Learning new skills through counselling/training and programs such as Bridges for Women.

∙Enquiry with The Work of Byron Katie and Zen practice and other simple tools.

∙A healthy a balanced female mentor. 

∙A DREAM; something positive to live for and grow into. 

∙ACCEPTANCE that this moment is perfect, and that I did nothing wrong by loving violent men. However, understanding that I am worthy of love and respect. Knowing now that my faith pulled me through, and that even when I did not care about the concept of a higher power, I was not alone.

❄

The path to freedom and happiness can be a difficult one, and each person is unique. I am grateful for my experience now; I have become a very strong woman am now married to a very powerful and gentle loving man, but I wasn't attracted to him when I first met him in 2000. I was still very much attracted to violent men who would not hesitate to kill. The most frightening part of it all, is to finally see my own tendencies to be aggressive, and loving myself through it.  I am and always have been very strong, but my parents did not raise me to be independent. I was raised in a highly chaotic environment. I did my best to navigate through life until I recognized I needed help.

When I became a mother, I knew I wanted to make better choices, but the awareness is only the beginning. I can see where I am vulnerable, and how easily it might be to not act responsibly towards others if our mind is not in check. I am lucky to not be an addict, I known how to manage, but it takes a lot of willpower and honesty to be on this path. Most women who feel trapped do not think they have what it takes or deserve better. It is with that awareness that I have given birth to STATE OF MIND.