TOUGH ENOUGH

What you need to know to protect yourself

I'm not going to provide you with a list here. I'm not going to tell you what the basics are in my books. There are too many lists out there already. Who knows what the perfect list is?

Working security, I often have women come to me showing their muscles and say they could easily do my job because they're really tough.  Interestingly enough, more women challenge me than men. Most guys respect that if I'm security, I might know a thing or two on how to deal with violence. 

Self defence is very much like that. We all have a personal viewpoint, and we all have unique experiences that form our perception of violence and what it takes to deal with it. Being alive is a sure sign that I have survived this planet and what it throws at me, but is it what YOU need to survive?

How do we know what it takes, when, how and where to use it?

First of all, I think it requires ACCEPTANCE.

As an educator, I have come to believe that all I can share with you really, is my experience. I am a mother, a friend, a daughter, a wife, a human being with observations and skills that I have acquired through experiencing LIFE. I can speak to you as an expert, telling you what is best for you, or I can simply share what's in my toolkit and hope it might one day serve you.

Does that make sense?

I don't think one person is naturally better at self protection than another, I simply realized that some people are more interested in the topic than others and are AWAKE to REALITY. I look at results. Everyone for better or worse, is a teacher. That's how I see you, as my teacher. Criminals are my teacher too. If you are closed minded about what I have to teach, I am not a good teacher for you. Does it matter how "good" or effective I am? Does it matter if I am a male or a female? The most effective people in my opinion, are the people who don't take shit for granted and are aware of the fact that we are never safe on this amazing planet called Earth. 

You might want to check out my article on what it takes to be my instructor nowadays...

I was just chatting with my friend Dave in the U.S.; he's a veteran, he's one of the toughest sons of bitches I know. With enough combat experience to put me to shame, he makes me sound like a princess. Dave is at war with himself and his country. Dave is not in a great space, he's fighting the biggest fight of his life, Dave has P.T.S.D. and is suicidal. He has fought for his country, he is intelligent and resourceful, he has learned more about violence than most people will ever know. Dave reminds me on a daily basis that being tough is important, but it may not be enough to live and be happy on this planet! At best, he merely EXISTS.

You can walk around with keys between your fingers all day and survive, but that may not be why you are still alive. 

So what does it take? What is the right and perfect tool kit? What is THE perfect self defence training?

What helps for you to FEEL strong, safe and confident may not be what you NEED when shit hits the fan, many martial artists can attest to that. Professionals in the industry are often very good at convincing people of what they need to know, but you need to ask yourself how it can be that a man or woman who knows nothing about you, can know what is best for you… How can a male or a teacher male OR female half your age, who has never seen violence as you may one day, know how to prepare you for some of the horrors of this planet...

I realize that I am raising more questions than I am answering them at this point, and that is EXACTLY what I want! As an educator, I share my experience like a mother would to her own children. I am not better than other self defence instructors, I just have a unique point of view and consequently a very unique set of skills. 

I'm not sure WHEN protection, first aid and survival became an option in our educational system, but I sure am questioning WHY. It's obvious to me that I cannot depend on the government to prepare my kid for life. This is my job as a matriarch. And I'm not just talking about my biological kids. I am talking about my community.

Dave reminds me of this fact. People like Dave are the reason why I came to be the parent I am. I got really clear on what I have to do in order to make sure my son gets the best chances at surviving on this planet, I take personal responsibility for it. My child matters, and it's THE MOST important job I will ever have. I also make sure he is not a danger to others.

What people WANT to learn and what they NEED may not match, one needs to ask themselves some hard questions about LIFE, conflict, violence and how to deal with it before claiming to know it all. This is why I love Rory Miller so much, he's done his homework. The sheer existence of his book Meditations on violence has given me enough faith in him to want to learn more from him. 

Coming back to what I need in order to do security, well, I thought I knew what I needed to be a doorwoman when I first started.

 I was wrong. 

How do I know? 

HUMILITY,

EXPERIENCE, 

RETROSPECTIVE 

and 

OPEN MINDEDNESS.

It's like giving birth, you don't KNOW until you go through it, and you still don't know it all once you've gone through it…

Let go of your assumptions, question your beliefs, ESPECIALLY if you are a teacher.

BE SAFE!

J Kaikan Boyd