PHOENIX TEARS

PHOENIX & DRAGON 

on DEATH.

☯

PHOENIX: "We need to talk."

DRAGON: "I hate when you say this …"

PHOENIX: "How would you prefer I say it?"

DRAGON: "Just say what you have to say!"

PHOENIX: "I would like to talk to you about death."

DRAGON: "Oh, wait! WHAT? Lets not talk about death. No, wait, go back. I don't wanna talk."

"No way José!"

PHOENIX: "Yet you are not mindful with your life and the one of others, and you delight in watching violence. You seem fascinated with death and terrified of it at the same time?"

DRAGON: "Why do you have to be so blunt? Do you HAVE to be so direct about everything? 

PHOENIX: "It has to be done."

DRAGON: "Freaks me right out."

PHOENIX: "Death is inevitable."

(DRAMATIC SILENCE)

 "Would you rather WAIT until death comes knocking at your door?"

DRAGON: "I live in a cave; There is no door ..."

PHOENIX: *smiling 

"My teacher used to tell me: 'A smart ass will get you a sore one.' He was right."

DRAGON: "Funny… Who was your teacher?"

PAUSE

PHOENIX: "He was a very very wise Dragon." 

               

☯

PUT IT DOWN!

It's fascinating to observe people when you do security…

And by fascinating, I mean ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

A lot of accidents and injuries could be prevented from simply paying attention to our environment.  The unfortunate thing is that our common sense seems to go right out the window with those bloody things in our possession. It takes a lot of willpower to use electronics intelligently and moderately.

What I would like to address, is the use of cellphones in liquor establishments. Please please PLEASE! Can you look where you are walking? It's not only for your safety. If you haven't noticed, there are people walking around with hot food and beverages all over the place, and they are working very diligently to remain patient and professional in the face of much ignorance. We're a little luckier in security since we don't carry trays filled with beverages and food, but we are attempting to keep order while many of you are obliviously glued to your screen and completely oblivious to what's going on around you, including conflict!

I saw a little boy with his family the other day, no more than 4 years of age, he walked out of my pub ahead of his parents after they had a late dinner, not looking AT ALL where he was going. I stood in front of him until he bumped into me and we had a chat… He obviously had no idea that at any moment, he could have been stampeded by grownups who are unaware of little people at this time of the day. Lets not focus on parenting here, but hey, that's a good place to start, right?

A phone is a tool, not a limb, so please understand that it can be a real nuisance for people who are working and attempting to serve YOU, if you appear to not be present. Yes, many employees are guilty of that as well, but not where I work. Besides, pointing fingers at others who are joining you in the unawareness club is not going to help the fact that you, yes YOU, need to WAKE UP!

Thank you kindly,
PHOENIX

TOUGH ENOUGH

What you need to know to protect yourself

I'm not going to provide you with a list here. I'm not going to tell you what the basics are in my books. There are too many lists out there already. Who knows what the perfect list is?

Working security, I often have women come to me showing their muscles and say they could easily do my job because they're really tough.  Interestingly enough, more women challenge me than men. Most guys respect that if I'm security, I might know a thing or two on how to deal with violence. 

Self defence is very much like that. We all have a personal viewpoint, and we all have unique experiences that form our perception of violence and what it takes to deal with it. Being alive is a sure sign that I have survived this planet and what it throws at me, but is it what YOU need to survive?

How do we know what it takes, when, how and where to use it?

First of all, I think it requires ACCEPTANCE.

As an educator, I have come to believe that all I can share with you really, is my experience. I am a mother, a friend, a daughter, a wife, a human being with observations and skills that I have acquired through experiencing LIFE. I can speak to you as an expert, telling you what is best for you, or I can simply share what's in my toolkit and hope it might one day serve you.

Does that make sense?

I don't think one person is naturally better at self protection than another, I simply realized that some people are more interested in the topic than others and are AWAKE to REALITY. I look at results. Everyone for better or worse, is a teacher. That's how I see you, as my teacher. Criminals are my teacher too. If you are closed minded about what I have to teach, I am not a good teacher for you. Does it matter how "good" or effective I am? Does it matter if I am a male or a female? The most effective people in my opinion, are the people who don't take shit for granted and are aware of the fact that we are never safe on this amazing planet called Earth. 

You might want to check out my article on what it takes to be my instructor nowadays...

I was just chatting with my friend Dave in the U.S.; he's a veteran, he's one of the toughest sons of bitches I know. With enough combat experience to put me to shame, he makes me sound like a princess. Dave is at war with himself and his country. Dave is not in a great space, he's fighting the biggest fight of his life, Dave has P.T.S.D. and is suicidal. He has fought for his country, he is intelligent and resourceful, he has learned more about violence than most people will ever know. Dave reminds me on a daily basis that being tough is important, but it may not be enough to live and be happy on this planet! At best, he merely EXISTS.

You can walk around with keys between your fingers all day and survive, but that may not be why you are still alive. 

So what does it take? What is the right and perfect tool kit? What is THE perfect self defence training?

What helps for you to FEEL strong, safe and confident may not be what you NEED when shit hits the fan, many martial artists can attest to that. Professionals in the industry are often very good at convincing people of what they need to know, but you need to ask yourself how it can be that a man or woman who knows nothing about you, can know what is best for you… How can a male or a teacher male OR female half your age, who has never seen violence as you may one day, know how to prepare you for some of the horrors of this planet...

I realize that I am raising more questions than I am answering them at this point, and that is EXACTLY what I want! As an educator, I share my experience like a mother would to her own children. I am not better than other self defence instructors, I just have a unique point of view and consequently a very unique set of skills. 

I'm not sure WHEN protection, first aid and survival became an option in our educational system, but I sure am questioning WHY. It's obvious to me that I cannot depend on the government to prepare my kid for life. This is my job as a matriarch. And I'm not just talking about my biological kids. I am talking about my community.

Dave reminds me of this fact. People like Dave are the reason why I came to be the parent I am. I got really clear on what I have to do in order to make sure my son gets the best chances at surviving on this planet, I take personal responsibility for it. My child matters, and it's THE MOST important job I will ever have. I also make sure he is not a danger to others.

What people WANT to learn and what they NEED may not match, one needs to ask themselves some hard questions about LIFE, conflict, violence and how to deal with it before claiming to know it all. This is why I love Rory Miller so much, he's done his homework. The sheer existence of his book Meditations on violence has given me enough faith in him to want to learn more from him. 

Coming back to what I need in order to do security, well, I thought I knew what I needed to be a doorwoman when I first started.

 I was wrong. 

How do I know? 

HUMILITY,

EXPERIENCE, 

RETROSPECTIVE 

and 

OPEN MINDEDNESS.

It's like giving birth, you don't KNOW until you go through it, and you still don't know it all once you've gone through it…

Let go of your assumptions, question your beliefs, ESPECIALLY if you are a teacher.

BE SAFE!

J Kaikan Boyd

STOP BLAMING FEMINISM!

Here is Wikepedia's definition of feminism: "A collection of movements and ideologies aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment."

Now, if you don't know what a feminist really looks and sounds like, and you think that because a woman speaks up she is a feminist, think again. She may be a woman, but she is not necessarily awake. The fact that you speak ill of her, or men who sympathize with her, only shows that the real problem is within you.

I am speaking to the recent conversations on the internet following Miss Nevada's suggestion that women take up self defence training. What she said has been interpreted in many ways, but mostly points to the crowd of women who believe men should simply be educated not to rape in the first place. I am specifically addressing the fact that many people, mostly men say things like: "I hate when feminists say…" "Feminists are annoying." and "Typical feminist remark!" The fact is that we are often at war with one another, and feminism is not the issue here!                                                  

I would like to point out, that a person claiming to be part a movement, or presenting themselves in speech as if they may be part of this said movement and know what the hell they are talking about, does not necessarily mean they participate in its foundational practices, not do they accurately represent and speak for all others, let alone the leaders. This is true for instance with martial artists. We all know people who can talk smack, and we all know we pass judgements on each other. So maybe the mature thing to so here, is to smile and keep walking. It is absolutely fascinating to me to hear grown ups, some of them highly intelligent, blame one another and participate in huge debates online. I have to admit that one skill I have yet to see being genuinely practiced among adults, let alone by many martial artist, is true humility.

Any person who sounds naive, ignorant and/or stupid when it comes to the reality of our existence, is not a feminist. The fact that we bother listening to confused people, give power to their arguments, engage and reply may simply indicate that we are possibly INSANE… It is a complete waste of our time and energy, demonstrating our willingness to be at war with one another. Better put our attention to people who GET IT and lead by example.

Lets take personal responsibility for our own life shall we? Lets mind our own business and really get to know the difference! We can be of better service by creating a healthy community, exercising our right of freedom and critical thinking, educating ourselves and others on the ways of peaceful living instead of pointing out the ignorance of humanity by pointing fingers. We can be leaders in this movement by reflecting on how WE contribute to separation in our own mind instead of being mindful. I don't always agree with what other people say, but arguing with you and being angry won't solve anything either. I listen, I think, I ask questions, I respond, I reflect, I process and I grow.

I am very clear with others, children and adults, about my experience. I hope it can be of help if needed, and I am not attached to how you lead your life. I am responsible for my own. Most importantly, I have a specific spiritual practice, one of respect and forgiveness. I accept reality as it is, and I do everything in my power to remain peaceful and awake so I don't freak out on people I think are stupid. Because I know that as long as I see them, it's because I am being stupid too.

RAISING A WHOLE CHILD

Looking back over my own experience with schools of all sorts, I have been deeply reflecting over my role as a mother, teacher and human being. As many of you may know, it's one thing to carry an ideal and values about raising kids, but once those little people are your full responsibility, something changes, sometimes drastically. People are full of opinions on how we should raise our children, and in the end, I think our main job is to love them. The first thing I did when finding I was going to become a mother, was to pay close attention to my own being and snap out of denial. I made some fascinating discoveries after choosing to be honest and keep my eyes open; that led me to zen practice and martial arts.

Since then, I have met some fascinating people, men and women with huge hearts. Now, I understand and accept tradition and what zen and martial arts were intended for. I have experienced the methods some instructors use to teach, and I know they are based on proven facts about training. However, I have a very critical mind, and certainly am not a doormat. I ask questions, lots of questions! Sometimes, that is considered disrespectful in traditional settings.

Essentially, inquiry is healthy. We are a generation where violence is examined closely and criticized by many, but still exists. We deny our children from expressing anger or violence to the point of forbidding toy weapons without true understanding and foresight, or even acknowledging how we have participated in creating the whole problem of violence in the first place, at some level anyway! There have been many discussions on that topic, and it is still going. My goal is not to condemn violence, but to present the subject of martial arts training/self defence, non-violence and mindfulness in a way that leaves you open to what is possible when your mind is free of judgement, and when we are willing to experience the whole being that we are. The fact is that violence is part of our living experience, and if we are honest, it is sometimes present within us as well.

It's easy to tell children to be nice. Personally, I'm a pretty rebellious person, and being "nice" is not my thing…

Not only that, but it's not effective training, and it dismisses a whole world of emotions and natural consequences. I usually come across as a troublemaker because I'm bold, aggressive in nature, I rarely sit still and I have a wicked sense of humour, but in the end, I'm pretty obedient to what I consider truthful. That being said, I have observed that rebellion may be based on a couple of things among many, disrespect or conviction. What I had to hone was to trust people. After being in highly dysfunctional situations early in life, authority and adults in general were not my friends.

I love kids regardless of what they think about me, they are raw, and mostly honest, if not in words, in actions. My experience always informs my relationships. In the past, I wasn't as afraid of the consequences with parents as I am now, and I shared my time with kids very differently. I was straightforward and honest. I did what I thought was right and what created results. My leadership style was CONTROL and COMMAND. I used my judgement, but took more risks. I mostly lived in the moment. I certainly did not fear danger as I do now. Becoming a parent triggered a few things, some cool, some not so cool. I realized I experienced more fear! I became more vulnerable. It brought me closer to understanding what loss entails, and how it might affect everyone if someone gets hurt, let alone dies. But it also led me to meditate and get to the bottom of those issues. I started to inquire more about my style of leadership, understanding that FEAR was very present in my mind…

In fact, I was so freaked out for a while I wanted to become a zen monk.

I wanted to dedicate my life to introspection and not waste anymore time on Earth. I wanted to be the perfect parent. I was deeply traumatized by my own family experience, and I wanted to be at peace. Somehow, the Universe had a different plan for me than becoming a HERMIT. My path took a funny turn, and brought my son to martial arts practice where he wanted to learn to fight. I met some wonderful teachers who guided me after my son quit training. He found out he wasn't a fighter after all, and I discovered I was!

When done in a zen context, teaching martial arts to children is not about telling them no to talk to strangers to avoid being kidnapped; it's not about blind obedience, telling them what is good and bad, nor is it about being the top dog and "kicking ass"! So maybe we should do a little research before giving our children away when it has to do with such important matters as life and death.

It's mostly about modelling responsibility, mentoring, giving direct feedback in a very kinaesthetic way as oppose to theory and ideas, demonstrating healthy boundaries setting, how our actions affect the whole, and being mindful of the consequences while co-creating healthy community. It calls us to grow and if done properly, it's a beautiful practice where we can extend our creative potential.

I have been a witness to martial arts instruction for a while now, and defence techniques are often the first thing kids will learn, more so then critical thinking, emotional intelligence, mood management, verbal judo or other non-violent communication tools, safety measures, sensitivity, environmental and circumstantial awareness, defence and de-escalation strategies, the law and natural consequences. We seem to think our kids are too stupid to introduce these ideas, but we'll teach them how to rip testicles, choke people out and blind others?

Why? 

Often because children want to do what the guys do in the movies. It leads them to think they should be tough to survive and that fighting is cool. It might even make you popular! The biggest problem is not even the film industry, but that parents and teachers will give them what they want. And now it's all over the internet… You think kids stop and read the caution disclaimer? Hell it's generally one of many men's favourite activities and encourage their offsprings to watch or participate… Generally, women do not encourage what they consider violent sports or movies, as they don't know how to make sense of violence and aggression since they are not aware of their own. They can't see the difference between self defence and fighting sports because they refuse to train themselves, and because our heroes grossly misrepresents the arts. There is judgment and blame of society, genders, government etc, and unwillingness to take personal responsibility.

Often parents want their children to exercise, acquire self discipline, self confidence and everything else martial arts schools promise, so the spiritual side of practice is set aside, very much like what happened with yoga practice in the West. As business owners, we hope to make money, and teachers don't want to bore the hell out of the kids or get in confrontations about philosophy. Most haven't spent much time meditating on the issue to begin with. Traditionally speaking that is not a concern, it's actually the foundation of practice.

I invite you to put those fears to rest by challenging your thoughts, and really connecting with what is in our children's highest good here. We can nurture our children and share life skills without sacrificing our basic values. In the end we all suffer the consequences when our children are not considered as whole beings, or when money and EGO take precedent over young adults who find themselves in prison for assault and manslaughter because violence is so widely practiced without guidance and spiritual container.

Zen is not about religion, it's about mindfulness. I am not promoting Zen Buddhism, even though it is the basis of my own practice. I also know of many other practices that serve as excellent guidelines for people to explore their mind.

How does it help me to teach?

What we need to understand is that we are forming habits during training, for better or worse. Under stress, it's unlikely that we will use discernment and take time to think. Zen and martial arts is focused on being aware of our nature as human beings, and to reduce stress, not on being a fighting machine. It trains us not to let our thoughts get in the way of our actions, to be present to reality and respond accordingly. We are mindful and responsible during training so that we can act accordingly in a real situation. At the same time, we cannot expect ourselves to necessarily do what we would like to do as a defence simply because we have learned a few techniques over a weekend seminar. Survival instincts may be strong, but will not guaranty a safe escape. Stress is an interesting phenomenon. Even with massive training, it is advisable to remain humble and expect nothing. I have found a gift in being part of a supportive community. As my sensei says: "PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE." This applies with sensitivity, breathing and awareness.

We are responsible! We are suppressing our inquisitive minds with activity and addiction, we let EGO direct our choices and forget about consequences. Our children are watching us, and we have the ability to be excellent role models. But first, we should start to even know what ego IS! And instead of rectifying the problem, we keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

When I question my own mind, pay attention to my breath, practice patience and remain still long enough to allow clarity, I can find my truth and be happy. I have spent many days simply revisiting concepts and beliefs about myself and others, the world and leadership. Observing children and connecting with their heart/mind is much more effective and nurturing than filling them with information to program them according to our vision of reality. I am perfectly clear and honest with parents about my vision, and I invite feedback and participation. I make sure that I surround myself with people I trust and are open minded, who are loving and just. In the case of educating children, I find that humility and respect is more important than technical knowledge. Experts rarely impress me if they lack the essential qualities to inspire others.

My leadership style now id ASK and INSPIRE. I communicate my expectations with children and we have clear and respectful communication. I am also constantly checking in, practicing patience and reflecting on what I believe to be in everyone's highest good. I ask for help often, and when a challenge arises, I ask for feedback, and not only from people who agree with me! I am not afraid of competition or loosing students to another teacher. I'm also not afraid of men, and I value their honest opinion. For instance, I don't carry, but I know people who do… I mindfully expose my kids to practically everything in small dosage, and encourage open communication. I prefer a healthy community based on collaboration and respect, and where people learn easily and from compatible teachers. I believe that we are resilient and caring, therefore I am at peace with what is. I trust the process.

I love being with children because they are my teachers. When we listen closely, these little people have big hearts and wonderful minds that are only asking to love and soar, and THAT is what I hope to achieve. My job is to provide them with choices and encourage personal freedom.  I have learned that respect, for myself and others, has led me to inner peace. What I practice is honouring my own Being, my inner guidance, and with that I know what to do, I listen and do the right thing for me and consequently for the world. Sometimes it appears rebellious, but it comes from a different place than REACTION.

So that is what I teach, along with the techniques; I FOCUS ON THE WHOLE BEING.

Most teachers know very little of teaching, they simply regurgitate what they have learned themselves. They are afraid of children taking over the room and challenging them. The concept of critical thinking can be a problem for some educators and parents, because children will start questioning everything! Since when is that a PROBLEM?
We are confused…
SCARED!

We want control and with it comes leadership issues, power, violence. I have seen teachers who demand blind obedience, and some of them are even abusive about it. The sad thing is that many families believe that this is what martial arts are about, and they want their children to walk in line, learn discipline, not talk back; therefore it sounds like a great idea! I can understand that. I am a parent. But what I want is a happy and self sufficient resilient child with emotional intelligence. I want him or her to feel safe to ask questions and get some help when necessary. I want them to be FREE!

On the flip side, some parents ignore the need to learn self defence and live in denial, out of fear of becoming violent. The beauty of fostering discernment and independence is that kids won't resent you for your leadership later. They will go about their business as intended by their higher self because they have been taught to think for themselves, modelling powerful figures who respect them and encourage the healthy expressions of their whole being.

Would you not want that for your children?

Gassho,

Senpai Boyd

DETACHMENT

Lesson #1 at our dojo:
Don't take it personally!

I know you've heard this before, so what's going to make a difference today? 

This is what I teach our children. It's a difficult lesson, and let me tell you this, training your body to respond to an attack, whether perceived or not, can be dangerous, and not everyone fully grasps the consequences. It's as easy as to lash out at your loved ones when they piss you off. And if you think that martial arts train people to exercise control, you are right, in most case… But not all.

The reason I wanted to bring this up is because I have a message about Self Defence. It looks to me like I'm much more inspired to create awareness by speaking out than by going to kick ass in the dojo everyday… 

Why?

Because I am committed to being of service and doing my part for PEACE. People like Bruce Lee trained very very hard everyday to achieve what he did. He entered competitions in order to challenge himself and his art, to re-evaluate and adjust his practice and conquer his mind. That being said, this is the role model for many of our children. If not him, someone like him. My question to you is, if Martial Arts is intended to avoid violence, why are they portrayed differently in movies? Do me a favour and watch DRAGON: The Bruce Lee story, and realize how tormented this human being was…

Where does that leave us? I've notice that many people are stuck on blaming others, the state of the world, themselves, or all of the above instead of taking responsibility for their state of mind. Many of us carry a lot of anger, and that anger most often covers a great amount of fear about death. Many people think that being tough is a great solution and the best practice for safety. Well, being tough has its advantages, but it doesn't solve the problem. In taking things personally, we often create a problem that doesn't even exist and respond from that place. What I suggest here, is that we truly reflect on the importance of meditation. I don't really care what kind and what the name of it is, however, I do know that sitting with your eyes closed and alone is not necessarily going to cut it. Having a teacher and a community to practice with is very important if we truly wish to blossom as a peaceful being. Many dojos neglect the importance of such practice and avoid conversations of spiritual nature for fear to loose you as a student. The problem with that is that now you are getting some tools, but no container. 

Being part of a dojo is often becoming part of a family, but not always. A conscious community feels very different than a gym. What is important to me is to nurture critical thinking and independence, in children and adults alike. I promote taking personal responsibility for our body and mind, and I also hold space for community. It's not always easy for me to be around people. I was adopted in a family where was an only child and where I was served violence for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I learned that grown ups are crazy and that my adults are often too scared to help me. As a result, community living has been extremely difficult, but it is obvious to me now that I need connection with others in order to be whole, and that my thoughts and beliefs in general need to be revisited.

Being tough is not enough. Sometimes it manifests as an armour and justifies are actions. It's part of what people capable of bullying are made of. Being resilient however, that's a whole different ball game! So how do we deal with our children when we want to protect them from what we fear ourselves? One of the greatest gifts I have received in parenting has been my intuition, and learning to listen and honour it, regardless of what other people say. The other is a book called LOVING WHAT IS by Byron Katie. She clearly, and simply, offers tools in order for us to make choices that bring us peace.
What I would like to point out here though, is that non-violence is not apathy, and that many of us mothers need to really get that. We need to be very honest with ourselves about our children and what makes them whole, we need to look within, and accept what violence has to teach us and express it somehow, become friends with it like my friend sifu Jim Kragtwyk would say. I get that, I am without a doubt, the embodiment of what a powerful and sometimes very angry woman can be like, and I know too well what violence brings. With the right mind, we can nurture that part of us and keep it in check, with the right practice, we can prevent mental illness and violence within ourselves, and change the world! 

My invitation, is that instead of trying to keep ourselves safe by trying to changing others, we look within our own mind and practice compassion and acceptance.
The question I leave you with is:

What IS compassion and what does it really look, sound, taste and feel like?
What does it mean in terms of having the right to self defence,

In my world, it is not a bloody war… 

Gassho,

J

To TALK or not to talk TO STRANGERS

That is the question...

I wish to say right off the bat, that this is my personal opinion and experience as a human being, a parent and a martial arts instructor. I am not asking that you take any sides, simply that you listen and reflect. I have often been angered, shocked and plain disturbed at other people's opinions, but one thing remains, and that is when I am respected and allowed to use critical thinking, I have often found myself experiencing a shift in perception. Sometimes it's immediate, sometimes it's later. So here it goes...

I think that it's natural for children to use their intuition. They may or may not foresee a problem coming, like they do not grasp why they need to pay attention crossing the street. It may be that people simply do what is natural to them, and many children simply believe in their goodness. My spiritual
practice is to wake up, be love, connect beings as oppose to separate, to honour intuition and have compassion. I believe that we can teach our children to use their common sense and to use their mind, loving comes naturally, not fear. We can teach them not to go and pet a strange dog without asking, not to take unnecessary risks and avoid petting strange dogs, or we can teach them not to trust any dogs... There is plenty of evidence that things go wrong in getting close to animal as well as human beings, but where is the boundary where we now ask our kids to see the world from our fearful point of view?

I know that my own son is one gregarious and friendly little man. Not talking to strangers is something I cannot enforce due to his nature. He just talks to practically everyone, always has, unless he doesn't feel comfortable. He's even come back from playdates and said he wasn't interested in going back, and why. As an aside, I personally have had my share of people trespassing my personal boundaries growing up, including my parents, as a result stranger danger is not even a concept I appreciate. However, I am honest with children about my experience and do not minimize danger in general. I also speak a language they understand and invite enquiry.

Now you may be wondering if my son has ever come across adversity, or encountered a situation that may get me to re-think my position about educating him to be more cautious... The answer is yes.

What came out of those experiences, has been a gift to all. He told someone he trusted would listen non-judgementally and we got through it together. It shouldn't come as a surprise either that the people involved in the crisis were NOT strangers to him. I brought my son up to trust in his ability to overcome anything, and to understand that with living life to its fullest also comes with risks and consequences. He already has more compassion, understanding and empathy than most people I know, let alone other children.

I give my son much more freedom than what a few people in my immediate surrounding are comfortable with, and I learned one thing early as a parent, that is people always have an opinion about other people's parenting choices. We can either try and conform, or be happy. So that being said, it's not like I am immune to having opinions about other people's parenting style, but I do know this:

I don't know what is in your highest good

As a martial arts teacher and human being around many children, what I do teach besides physical self defence, is awareness, critical thinking and clear communication, boundaries, listening to intuition, along with the importance of asking for help and healthy community. I am aware of the hard fact that we all have made choices against our parents best judgement, even our own best judgement, and that this is how we learn! But the few examples that paralyze us with fear as parents may, or may not be avoided by our best intentions; that is the sad truth. I have loved the work of Byron Katie immensely on that subject, and I cannot imagine any greater pain than a having experience the loss of a child, or to be taken. That being said, it's my job to connect with my intuition, not let fear take over my life and my family's. I really love seeing the world through children's eyes. It's unfortunate to miss out on the richness of children because they have been taught to fear others. And what do we teach them if we make all their decisions for them?

     I love the idea of

     FREE RANGE KIDS