I've been walking with gratitude for the ability to learn SELF DEFENCE and YOGA lately.
As much as I have benefited from it in the past, I think I have a renewed appreciation for what it is teaching me. Taking deep breaths has been a real gift. I think the key, is that I have stopped being governed by others and decided to carve my own path…
I am not a FIGHTER, but I can be a real shit disturber.
I have never laid hands on anyone outside the ring, unless it was in self defence or required for my job; Even then, it wasn't intended. At work I use specific controlling techniques shown in tactical training, and I am mindful of the consequences of my actions.
I spent most of my life withholding anger and making attempts to be at peace with my family and love ones, until it reaches a limit. Having healthy boundaries has been a life long journey that led me to take a lot of training. I could barely hold it together, and it cost me my mental health and several relationships, so I began searching...
I thought I had found the perfect outlet to let go of this anger by training martial arts, but I recently concluded that some combative training seems to only serve to move it around, not really addressing the root of it.
So I took a break and meditated on it.
What I see, is the possibility that martial arts, in many schools that is, are deprived of mindfulness and wisdom. I don't think it's so much the art, but possibly the instructors that make the largest difference in the outcome. For instance I think that some people may seem calm and fairly peaceful individuals, but can justify violence and often pass this on to students who struggle with control and have a more aggressive nature, like myself. That, is rarely a peaceful combination. So even though an instructor may be well intended and with several years of practice on the mat, there is value in looking further in the the mind of a master.
I can't say I identify easily with most female role models or the gentle archetypes.
I've been attracted to learn from men most of my life and being competitive is pretty natural to me. I'm often perceived as an alpha expected to stand up for others, and challenge leadership. I'm not keen on joining groups, but I am willing to challenge myself. I would rather go through discomfort and build community, learning to be interdependent and hold my own than be scared to walk this Earth alone and be co-dependant.
I enjoy a good battle, I usually commit fully to what I do in each moment.
TRAINING can be difficult when you would much rather prepare beautiful meals, have a bath, practice YOGA, read, have tea with a friend, play with clothes and makeup, and do dishes, etc.
Reality is that my mind is often filled with confusion and fear. We attempt to control our environment in order to minimize danger, but in the end, I would rather learn martial arts than waiting passively for world peace to manifest.
I need physical outlets or I create havoc in my life. I come across as an angry boar, destroying practically everything in the way with my words.
Being careful is not enough.
MINDFULNESS
MARTIAL ARTS and YOGA are activities that effectively deal with that energy.
I think many of us shy away from training in self defence because we hope to stay away from violence and perpetuating it. We can't imagine ourselves fighting, even less participating in a group where that seems to be the focus. We have SHIT to do!
Some of us walk into a club and get a taste of blood, and want more, Somehow we unleash the beast! We become obsessed with this new found "power" and look forward to exercise the right to express it, which can become an imbalance in itself in my observation.
I have found that training martial arts has brought new people in my life who process life in a very different way than others. Being an active participant in the holistic creation of my reality, I have found that most martial artist are at least committed to growing and living with excellence. The pamphlets may be right about the values training offers, but after my own experience, not all schools teach practical skills for walking on this earth safely and harmoniously. Not everyone embraces the spiritual traditions that martial arts offer either. FEAR of DEATH must be addressed beyond survival techniques. Freedom is found beyond form. Training the mind is sometimes more complex than punching pads and doing a thousand repetitions.
THAT is why I LOVE YOGA.
Most people who stick with practice must at some point or another learn to live mindfully in a group, and accept leadership. Either that or they will be asked to leave. That right there, is an effective survival skill beyond knowing how to defend a body or kick the shit out of another human being.
Many of us allow conflict to interrupt our training at some point or another, justifying the need to quit.
It is entirely possible that a style, teacher or the club may not be compatible, and if that's the case, we should give ourselves permission to seek something that is a better fit for us.
I believe that all experiences are beneficial..
INTEGRITY, HONESTY and HUMILITY are very important values to me. I have learned to appreciate compassion, accept generosity, and let go of my expectations that all teachers should be perfect and egoless!
Find a FAIR, PROFESSIONAL and CARING educator/mentor.
I would like to thank all my teacher past and present for being willing to share their experience, and for the peace I have found. I am deeply grateful.
A THOUSAND BOWS
J
