When choosing a place of instruction for self defence and martial arts, we can encounter many different experiences in the shopping process. Like anything else, referrals may be a good way to go. As an aware consumer, I now know how naive many of us are when entering this market…
In 2000, I was lucky to have met a young man and his brother, who were extremely passionate about KENPO/JUJUTSU. It's only in 2007, that I became interested in finding out more about it. When it came down to choosing a dojo, I based my decision on a few things, mostly money.
To begin with, I was a single mother and on a very tight budget. I'm also not a big fan of contracts after years of bodybuilding and illness. What I was looking for, was a place where my son could learn martial arts, be held by a community of healthy men and not have to pay an arm and a leg for it. So I looked around for a bit. I considered recreational centres since they offer martial arts, and even though I knew nothing of the differences between each art, I had observed some teachers and I felt like they were supervised well by the organization and possibly held accountable when teaching children. I knew that my son had a very good intuition and would choose what was best for him at the time.
I also brought a male friend whom I trusted to visit different dojos. A Wing Chun practitioner and certified counsellor, sifu Jim Kragtwyck, was a great help in helping me making decisions when I needed a male perspective. His presence reassured me in getting information prior to making a commitment. I had been his student for a while when my son was just born, and even though I found Jim to be an excellent teacher, Wing Chun was not for me at the time. I wasn't ready for it until NOW.
I remember going to Studio 4 to check out Axe Capoeira because I taught it was a complete art for a child. I loved the music, performance opportunities, the culture, tradition, learning to play instruments, singing, the dancing-like movements and the acrobatics. To me, it was a perfect introduction for my son who was a born performer. Surprisingly enough, he wasn't interested. He was actually scared of the instructor... And if you met Kevin, you would know how weird that experience of him would be! I was shocked! He's the most adorable man ever. But as most parents know, you can't force a kid to do anything without certain consequences. I had to accept that I wanted to do it myself, but not Dae.
Fighting was out of the question, so no Peterec for this boy. I remembered a friend I had met in the days, and taught at a Kenpo dojo. I had no idea, or interest in martial arts at the time. I went to meet him, talked to the head sensei and booked a free lesson. Amazingly enough, it was very affordable. Thankfully enough, being broke was a gift in disguise, which I would discover a little later on as I became more aware of the industry.
So Dae took a private lesson with sensei Jason Boyd, and then with sensei Greg Lamothe. To my huge surprise, he thought Greg was a better fit. I say this because Dae is very sensitive and I thought Jason would be a better teacher for him. What I realize now, is that Greg is more like me, loves working with kids, and perhaps that's why he was more at ease with him. Greg is also very expressive and dynamic, so he captures our attention…
When it comes to taking lessons, a private lesson especially, it's important to click with your instructor and enjoy the journey. The first lesson I think is crucial in martial arts, is to trust your intuition. You don't have to make a story around it. So if you have doubts about the dojo and the instructors, you might want to investigate your gut's reaction. On that note, it's also important to be flexible and open in my experience.
Now that I have become an instructor, I have noticed that some people have lost the true meaning of having respect towards a sensei and their dojo because it's all about business.
Many places still foster that relationship in a traditional way, which is what the tradition calls for. I have seen it in many dojos. It's a beautiful thing and puts in place some essential skills for walking into this world in harmony that so many people have forgotten. We have the opportunity in martial arts, to address some issues that have been neglected in the regular school system and forgotten at home. It's a beautiful place for parents to create community, and for single parents to bring balance to their family. But I can see how it has been put aside by some, encouraging critical thinking and autonomy as oppose to blind obedience. That being said, my own experience shows that just like the military is not about BRAIN WASHING, RESPECT is not abusive leadership…
Dae trained kenpo for a little while, and I watched from the side bench.
And then he quit! There was no way to persuade him to continue; the kid is an unschooler through and through. As I had paid for a few months ahead at a discount, I decided to give it a go and complete the three month program myself.
That's when I fell in love.
I earned my Black Belt in Tracy Kenpo (traditionally called SHODAN), and became one of the senior students in Muay Thai kickboxing. I also delighted in putting my teeth in any concepts and tactics the instructors of our dojo were willing to share from their own learning. It was nothing short of captivating. I also learned at other dojos with the blessing of my primary teacher.
Basically, once you enter the world of martial arts and self defence, you will get educated. I personally think that we are exactly where we should be, right now and always. We could learn to trust the process a little bit more. I have yearned to be allowed in "boy clubs" all my life. Since I was little playing with G.I. Joe as oppose to Barbie, owning the best set of guns in cowboy country, excelling at sports and joining the military, my whole life was about becoming a hero. I was always a Tom boy and yet, I felt secluded from what I thought was the brilliant mind of manhood, until I met a martial artist who gladly let me in.
As a result of my experience with martial arts and the constant need for growth, I have decided to start a business with my husband called State of Mind Dojo. We to be more inclusive to women, to be sensitive to everyone's needs, to create awareness about the benefits of this wonderful practice for everyone, to provide relevant and current information about the industry, to bridge the gap between the martial arts community and the people who would benefit from joining us, and to break away from the business model keeping so many Leaders from sharing what is truly applicable in our lives due to fear. We promote movement and direct you to what suits you best.
So many people have pre-conceived ideas about martial arts, and in my opinion, Self Defence and meditation should be taught to everyone from a young age! We have plenty of evidence that i is worthy skill to acquire. Instead, we choose to blame the system for its limitation, men for their violent choices, and we worry about the future and the state of our universe.
Like Erik Kondo says so well:
"Personal safety is a constant process, not a single event."
On top of that, it provides many transferable life skills that can truly help individuals to succeed in the world and be at peace. Now if we could only drop the notion that learning Self Defense is a violent activity and will encourage our children to be aggressive! In fact, many teachers share a much more holistic and mindful approach to training than you think, but due to budget restriction and lack of popularity, they go unnoticed.
Our mission is to change that!
J Kaikan Boyd
State of Mind Dojo
250-413-7655
Great article.
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