I heard that statement from a man once, and it has changed my attitude about emotional struggle. So often, women tend to live in the emotions. It is a common belief that men don't want to deal with emotions, theirs and ours. It may, or may not be true. They often would rather choose humour over tears, and fighting over being vulnerable. While I let go of my own fears and simply witnessed my brothers, I have laughed and loved more than ever in their presence.
My own personal experience is that we may be willing to talk about emotions, but dealing with the heart goes beyond talking…
I'm personally a very analytical and expressive person. It's only recently that I have noticed how I have lived in the mind, emotionally charging my story of the world and how I experience it. Everyone else is just a player in my story, and I'm not sure they ever existed beyond that.
Defeat brought me to a still point. It became clear that I needed to learn a new way to relate to others if I was to remain alive.
Being in the body and expressing energy is a god sent not to be taken for granted in my opinion. Yoga, dance, sex and other movement oriented activities have always been very attractive to me. However, it does not always express powerful energy in a way that serves me, let alone others.
It is my hope that all sisters can be open to what I have to say. You may agree, or not. That is not important to me. So before you reply, just sit with it…
All I am interested in is to present you with options on how to relate to men.
So many of us are angry, at the world, the weather, at men, our mothers, our elders, our children, at God, and at ourselves. We are not always mindful. Too often we lash out, taking advantage of the fact that our male counterparts are physically stronger and should therefore not feel threatened. Many of us even deny this! Some of us also suppress our anger and suffer from depression, or we do both. We can go on for a very long time coping in one way and another, but in order to find peace and long lasting happiness, something's gotta give, and changing the world may, or may not be the answer to all our woes.
I have learned that change is possible, that deep and honest communication is easiest when I am willing to listen, and sit with it for a while. That being said, I need to feel safe in order for THAT to happen.
I have always been very clear about wanting to work with men's energy, but also terrified. It wasn't always experienced positively however. Since I was very small, I have expressed my yang abundantly, and now looking back, I know that I am not all that different than what scares me. Being in male dominated environments has been an amazing journey of awakening. From being in the military to zen practice, becoming a bouncer and working as a security professional, and finally in the dojo, I have been invited to experience what so many of us women dream of:
MEN'S TRUE HEART/MIND.
What I have learned, is not that they essentially behave differently among their peers for the sake of playing games, but that when we are willing to listen without judgement, these amazing creatures only wish to give of themselves selflessly and to be of service. Their blunt honesty is often denied by us, rejected and twisted into something that it is not. A little understanding goes a long way, and for that to happen, it's important not to take what is expressed personally, and to be honest with ourselves!
Being among martial artists, in and out of the dojo, has been nothing but transformational. I finally found men I could not only relate to, but respect and learn consciously from.
Men martial artists have taught me a few things about being a powerful woman. Not by acting like a man, but by honouring my true Self; being solid while moving energy through martial arts and applying that to my life. They taught me about community, about vulnerability, and brotherhood. They taught me about true power, responsibility, how to focus the mind, and being quiet sometimes. They taught me discipline; forget about the discipline of doing a thousand pushups, try practicing patience, acceptance and resilience! They taught me about strength, about control, about respect and about compassion.
I have had the great privilege of sharing time and space with amazing men. Only with this attitude have they accepted me as one of their own. And with that honour, they have never asked me to be a man...
In return, I understand that to love men, is to accept and love who they are now, fiercely, and simply, without projections. The qualities expressed in brotherhood are often without words, yet when spoken, they pierce deeply and are heartfelt. Those words are not always audible, it is up to us to listen. It is not a different tongue, we just need to quiet our mind to hear it… In the process of finding our own voice and power, some of them shut down. I think it would be wise to remember their innocence and allow some space for them in a peaceful world.
Being among men, has inspired me to be a better woman, human being, a better mother and a respectful lover. It has brought me balance, the ability to attract joy and live peacefully.
I am a samurai among them; until I breathe my last breath, I will live and love fully without regrets. Bleeding or not, I will stand up after each fall. I will stand for what I know is worthy, and I will do so with my peers by my side. And if I find myself alone, I will always remember that their spirit lives within me.
Gassho
